Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
