I am puke
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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