We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
