Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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