If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
