I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
