I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
