Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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