So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
