just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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