So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
