Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
