I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
