A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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