Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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