I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
