the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
