Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
