Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
