I will die if light touches me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
