Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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