I'm really into asian looking animals
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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