I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
