Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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