you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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