you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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