I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
