no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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