God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
