So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
