We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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