your thong is hanging out like whoa
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
