So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
