we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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