I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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