i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
