I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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