ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
