When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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