'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
