the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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