the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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