at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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