OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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