i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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