I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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