haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
