I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
