Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
