so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
