Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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