I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
