why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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