Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
