just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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