Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
