How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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