Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
